9th November 2009

On the 9^th Nov, I had thought that we were fine after crying our eyes out at vet. I had felt fine, a bit of missing him but all else, fine.

On the night, I played the vet game and at the last part, I amed a white rabbit jojo, taking care of him until he gets adopted which in this case, reflects reality as jo was really adopted first by us and then by God. I was happy when he adopted as I place massive advertisements for him and taking cute photos of him. Then I went to bed and fell asleep thinking I was fine.

Until I was woken up by my sister who said that she was unable to sleep and ask me to sleep with her. I could sense the need and immediately agree. As I lie in her bed I hear the grand father clock tick 5 times. It was 5am and my poor sister was unable to sleep. I slept at 2am but she went to bed at 12 and all this while, she was unable to fall asleep plus she had to wake up early tmr for work

It was then I realized that I had been suppressing and all this ‘fine’ mood was a form of false confidence. Flashes of jojo dead, lifeless body and his open eyes came across my mind. Flashes of him prancing around and doing the happy jump, jumping and twisting in the air. Flashes of him deliberately lying and sitting down at a central position on the chair or floor so that he can watch all of us. Him watching tv from his cage by loking up at the tv. His favourite spot of sitting a the door where there is wind. Him plotting to get into our room as he stand up outside our room and trying to look over the cardboard barriers; and when he finally did manage to get in, he hide under cupboard where no one can reach him. Him sitting outside and when he sees mom cleaning floor, took initiative to go back into his cage. Him jumping into the cage autonmatically, especially when bun was sick so that we can let bun out. Him grabbing his favourite milk biscuit and quickly run away to a corner to eat. There was once I told mom to try take away his biscuit to see his reaction as jo was under the chair beside her, after saying this, the next thing we know is that jo grabbed his biscuit and ran away to a place further away from mom.

Smart, considerate, cute, silly, greedy for food

It was then I realized that I had engaged in effective blocking and in actual fact, I am not good at all.